Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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