i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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