he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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