Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
