i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
