I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
