Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
