im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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