Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
