It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
