sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
