so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
