I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Is it penis luge time yet?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
