Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
