get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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