i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
