wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
