Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
