with your own penis?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
