He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
