did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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