too bad you live with your parents still
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
