is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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