when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
