Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
