Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
