There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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