can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
