apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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