What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
