dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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