I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
