I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
