i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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