My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
