Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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