Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
