If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
