At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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