I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
