I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
