sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
