im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
