I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
