I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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