Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
