he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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