i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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