You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
