It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
