the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
