Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
