My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You need a sexual gate keeper
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
