I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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