i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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