Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
