I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
